I am ready to kill.

I openly admit that I hate Amanda's dog, Saffy. She's a needy, clingy shrew. Her long blonde hair sheds and sticks to everything. She has a stupid limpid personality which certain cooing women and big daddy type men find oh-so endearing. In actuality, her little innocent act is a thin veneer barely covering the true bitch within; a whiny, annoyingly nippy, passive-aggressive spoiled brat. Her longs nails clack deamandingly. She's so submissive and shy that when you reach over to touch her she always tinkles a sweet little puddle. If you don't touch her in the gentlest way, she squeaks and screams in horror. If you don't call her in the sweetest, high-pitched voice she tinkles some more. She possesses a totally persnickety appetite. And yet, she's totally pushy and expects to get her way always. She is so used to sleeping in a people bed that she can't spend the night in a crate or on the couch without crying and sobbing and scratching at the door until the paint peels off. She is a girly-girl wuss who can barely control her bodily functions. She is without shame and pisses and shits all over the house whenever she feels the urge. Her long, dander-laden hair and clacking nails help to spread the filth around. She has absolutely no manners and has had no schooling whatsoever, drifting through life on her purported looks, alone, no doubt.

Thank god she's a huge slut so at least Isaac's happy. She's a typical bimbo in that she hoards and nibbles on Isaac's favorite toys while she lets him hump away. She does spread her legs out in a glory of abandonment when he goes down on her, but rare indeed are her half-hearted reciprocations.

When Amanda and Andrew went to Japan last year and I agreed to take care of Saffy while they were gone, I came to truly hate the dog. But since they just got married and are going on their honeymoon, I couldn't very well say no. Last time, I did ask them to pay for professional rug cleaning upon their return, but that was no recompense at all compared to the daily hassle of not being able to sit on my own couch because of all the hair and rawhide slobber, not getting any sleep what with her whining, cleaning up dog shit and piss all over the house everyday, and trying to tune out the constant barking and scuffling between her and Isaac as he asserts his dominance over and over. Unfortunately, the one good thing about Saffy is that she is the only dog we know that Isaac (the killer dog-attacking dog) gets along with.

This changes not the raw fact that I hate this dog and I can not believe that I will have to look after her for the next 2 1/2 weeks. My only consolation is that when A/A get back they are moving to NYC and I will never have to see her again.

Last night, she would not stop crying and whining and scratching at the door for more than 20 minutes at a time. I lay in bed, miserably gnashing my teeth and burying my head in the pillow, watching the clock inexorably pushing ahead to my waking time for hour after sleepless hour. The very idea that I would welcome this dirty loathesome creature into my bed when Isaac doesn't even get that privilege -- who was snoring peacefully in his crate like an angel -- is ludicrous. The merciful times that I managed to fall asleep for a few minutes I had gruesome Un-PC dreams of wringing her neck and kicking her repeatedly until her mangled body lay in an unrecognizable mass of blood and blonde fur.